We are several weeks into Lent. Are you feeling bad yet? We can experience Lent as a time of sober
self-reflection leading to self-recrimination leading to a guilty discouragement. A Lenten observance driven by guilt has
little power to transform us, and that is the point of Lent after all: transformation. On the other hand, a Lenten observance driven by a humility born
of honesty opens a door to change.
I learned about humility six months into my marriage. I came into the marriage with a 1980 Datsun
210 station wagon. The car had no
optional equipment whatsoever. I installed
a radio myself. I made floor mats out of
AstroTurf remnants and upgraded to radial tires at some point. This car was the
very picture of basic transportation. My
wife came into the marriage with a recently-painted 1979 Pontiac Grand Prix
with air conditioning, an automatic transmission, and quite likely the last
working 8-track player in America. It
was a nice ride.
One day while she was at work, I decided to replace the fuel
filter in her car. The job turned out to be more
difficult than I had imagined. So I gave
up and retightened the fuel line, planning to take it to a professional. As I
retightened the fuel line, I heard a distinctive “creak.” I thought this was the sound of a tightly
connected joint.
When I started the car, I found the “creak” was not the
sound of a tightly connected joint; rather it was the sound a metal fuel line
makes when you crack it. The engine
began to shoot gasoline onto an increasingly hot exhaust manifold. Within a few moments the engine was on
fire. As the engine kept pumping more
gasoline onto the manifold, flames engulfed the car. A pumper truck came and put out the fire. What had quite likely been the last working
8-track player in America was now toast.
As I stood there looking at the charred relic, the firefighter
said: “So now we’ll see if she really
loves you.” I suggested he not become a
grief counselor.
I went to pick up Debbie at work and with sobs
told her I had incinerated up her car.
There were no recriminations, lectures, or icy silences. That weekend we bought a car, one with an automatic transmission,
a radio, and air conditioning. These
were accommodations I needed to make.I learned about humility that day. I am not perfect. I have made other mistakes since then, and I am sure I still have a few more mistakes in me. Being forgiven for destroying something precious gave to me the freedom to live my life at ease, not always fearful of error. I knew that when I messed up, I would still be accepted, trusted, and loved.
This is economy of Lent.
We take an honest look at ourselves, owning up to the destructive things
we have done and the good things we have left undone; and we realize that we
are not done messing up. We make this
candid appraisal within the larger frame of God’s mercy and continuing love for
us. God has not given up on us. So we do not give up on ourselves, nor do we
give up on those around us. In this fertile
framework newness can be birthed in us and in others. Lent is about new and better things growing
out of the failures of our living.
Blessings,Jim
