In the center of the
campus where I attended seminary was a large grass quad bounded on four sides
by the main academic buildings. We
called it the “Josephus Bowl” after the first century Jewish historian
Josephus. Students were constantly
cutting across this grassy area as they moved from one building to
another. One day signs appeared on the
edges of the Josephus Bowl saying, “Please walk on the grass, but don’t make a
path.” We were invited to walk on the
grass but to do so responsibly, mindful of how we were impacting the community
in which we lived and studied. It was a
simple request.
Sometimes, however, things are not so simple. Suppose you were walking across the grass
enjoying the beauty of the day and, for some reason, you looked behind you and
see with horror that you have, indeed, been making path. You didn’t intend to make a path, but you
did so, nonetheless. It is too late to
repair the unintended damage. (I often
mused over whether this could be considered sin; for it was only in retrospect
that one realized that one had done damage.)
How can we as church leaders avoid doing unintended damage
that we must then try to repair? Boundary
Training is about avoiding unintended damage. We all know that gross violations of professional ministerial
boundaries—such as assault, infidelity, or embezzlement—are devastating to
pastors and parishioners. We have clear
rules about these things, and common sense can guide us. A majority of problems, however, arise not
from these gross violations but from the crossing of more subtle
boundaries. It is here that we make
those “unintentional paths in the grass.”
The violation of these less obvious boundaries can place at risk our
relationship with parishioners and, at a minimum, create discomfort and
confusion. Often, church conflicts grow
out of boundaries not being honored by clergy and parishioners alike.
Boundary Training involves gaining an
awareness of the enormous power differential between pastors and their
parishioners. It also helps us clarify
whose needs are being met in the clergy/congregant relationship, which helps
ministers separate out their own needs and be intentional about where they get
those needs met. Boundary training
helps us have a keener sense of how our behavior makes others feel. It helps ministers avoid doing unintentional
harm to themselves and others. It is
harder to make simple rules about these softer, more subtle boundary
issues. That is why church leaders need
training.
Jerrod and I are going to attend a boundary training
workshop in Albany on November 7th.
If you are interested in attending with us, please use the following
link to register. If you cannot attend this training, the
Region will make more training opportunities available within the coming year.
Our goal is that none of us look back and see that we made
an unintentional path in the grass.
Blessings,
Jim Kelsey
Executive Minister
